Amy Noble is famous in this little corner of the world.  She played Bob's mommy in the "Strike Back" movie and taunts us with provocative glances modeling Askew merchandise.  Sick of the fanboys and their silly questions I arranged to do a proper interview with the lovely Amy.

The plan was to meet her at Teterboro airport and take my jet to Paris for a little vino and a baguette.  Sadly, I have no jet, so I called her instead.  The magic that followed is here for you all to read.  Enjoy!

TAC: Let me start by saying you look lovely today.
AN: Thank you very much.  I appreciate that.

Let me further state that we shan't be talking about Kevin Smith this afternoon.  It's all about you, honey.
Oh!  Great!

So Amy, how did you and Kevin Smith cross paths?
Well, his former assistant, Kim Loughran, is involved in music and my brother is a producer.  He produced her CD and they became really good friends.  I met her at a party and I was complaining about my job at the time.  I hated my job.  And she said "Oh, our receptionist is leaving.  Do you want to come interview?"  I jumped at the chance, being a huge Kevin Smith fan myself.  I interviewed and got the job.  Kevin was away at Cannes for Dogma.  I met him a week later when he got back.

Where is Kim these days?
Honestly, I don't know.  I see her here and there.  She's still friends with my brother and stuff.  She's really a sweet girl; I just don't see her often.  Once in awhile, at a party, I'll bump into her.

And his name?
Michael Ferentino.

What, exactly, do you do at VA?
My job title is "Administrative Assistant" but I also do anything that they need me to do.  I help with the merchandising, Fed-Ex’ing, copying scripts.  Just kind of keeping the place running smoothly.

Do you think the VA office will move to California?
That's kind of a big question here for everyone.  We're taking each day as it comes because we have no idea what's going to happen.

If it did move, would you go?
Honestly, I don't think they would need me.  What my job entails… a lot of people out there could do it just as well.  It would be kind of tough.  For acting purposes maybe, eventually I would, but for now I would say no; unless they really needed me.  I love working with them.  If they asked I would definitely consider it.

You're a dancer?
I am.  I teach, too.  I teach "baby tap", a tap/ballet combo class and I teach "musical theatre acting and dance".

"Baby tap"?
Little three year olds; 45 minutes of kids in tap shoes.  Some of them aren't even potty trained.  It's a cool job.  I love it.

Is it true that male dancers are all "light in the loafers"?
No, no it is not true.  It's just the whole affiliation with Broadway.  You know, if anybody likes Broadway tunes they're automatically gay.  It's just not true.

Well, that's a load off my mind because I love Broadway tunes.
Do you?  Well, see.  Exactly.

You are also a singer.  What type of music do you enjoy singing?
Broadway.  My goal in life, when I was younger, was to be on Broadway, so I grew up mainly learning Broadway tunes and then I kind of incorporated pop.  But I would say more in the line of Broadway.

Show tunes?
Yeah, because when you go on auditions you have to sing songs from shows.

Please tell me you don't sing "Tomorrow" on auditions.
Oh, God no!  If you're over twelve you have to be a little more creative.

You're a huge music fan…
Huge!

It's almost a religion for you…
It is.

Is there a perfect song?  And if so, which one?
Well, there's a perfect album.  I can't really pinpoint a song.  Actually there are two perfect albums.  Radiohead's OK Computer and the Beatles'… well, there are two Beatles albums; Rubber Soul and Revolver.  Every song on all three of those albums are my favorite songs.

Your career… have you been going to many auditions lately?
Lately?  No.  I'm in an acting class so I am just focusing on that and trying to get an agent.  The last audition I went on was about a month ago for an independent film.

So, nothing we'll be seeing you in soon?
As of right now, no.  Hopefully within the next year you'll see me in some more things.  I'm really going to be working my butt off come January, auditioning.  So, hopefully, soon.

Is there a role you were up for that you didn't get that you thought "I am the right girl" for this part?
No, but I would have loved to play Naomi Watts' part in "Mulholland Dr.".

Because you like to kiss girls?
No.  Not that Laura [Harring] wasn't gorgeous, but no.  I just really dug the movie and I think that I could have done a really good job.  She is amazing, though, Naomi Watts.  She's one of my favorite actresses.

Interesting.  If you had to pick one actor to star opposite, who would it be?
That's hard.  It changes so often.  I would say Edward Norton.  I think he has such a wide range.  He's just amazing.  Actresses… Julianne Moore, Lili Taylor.

Lili Taylor!  One of my favorite actresses.
Isn't she great?

"I Shot Andy Worhol", "Dogfight", "Mystic Pizza".  Although "Mystic" was more a chick-flick.
It's a total girl movie.  I've seen it about a hundred times.

But D'Onofrio rocked.
He did, didn't he?  And Annabeth Gish… I love her.

Yeah.  I'm in love with her, but we're not here to talk about me.  You are the model for the Askew Auctions.  How do you feel about being the stuff of which fanboy fantasies are made?
It's flattering!  It's very flattering.  It doesn't bother me at all.

It doesn't bother you that 15 year old boys are having lurid thoughts about you?
When you put it that way… but, no.  It's harmless.  I'm not doing anything that I'm ashamed of at all.  I'm very comfortable with my body.

Much to the disappointment of said fanboys, there is a Mister Noble.  When were you married?
We got married September 11^th, 1999.

So, after last year's events, September 11^th must be a bitter-sweet memory for you.
Oh, yeah.  This is our, everybody's, first anniversary after it.  Celebrating a wedding anniversary… really, we didn't celebrate it.  We waited a couple days and then… with all the… it was just hard.  I think we're going to change the date, actually.  We're thinking of celebrating the day we started going out until the pain [of 9/11] eases.  It kind of feels so wrong celebrating something when everybody is hurting.

Where or how did you meet?
That's a pretty interesting story.  I've known him since I was twelve.

And how old was he?
He was 19.  So, he wouldn't look at me in that way, of course.  Anyway, I hadn't seen him for awhile.  My brother took me to a party when I was 19 and he [the future Mr. Noble] was there, but he had a girlfriend.  I had a crush on him but he wouldn't give me the time of day.  Then when I was dancing in my brother's band a year later, I bumped into him.  I was onstage dancing and our eyes locked and we were totally in love at that moment.  It's a cliché but it's exactly how it happened.

How long did you date before getting hitched?
Seven years.  Wait… seven years?  Six years.

What does Mister Noble do?
To make a paycheck he does irrigation; he's in the middle of starting his own business in that.  But his passion is photography and he's an amazing artist.  He's really talented.

What is it with all the talent in south Jersey?
It's the Pine Barrens.  There's nothing else to do except drink.  So you've got to think of something to do; dancing or singing or drawing or whatever.

Especially in the winter time.  There is no place more depressing than the Jersey shore during winter.
Oh, I agree.  It's a ghost town.

You played "Silent Bob's mother" in "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back".  Are you a mother in real life?
No, I am not.

Are you planning to be one?
Eventually, yes.  Definitely.

In lieu of a career or are you going to do both?
I'm going to try to do both.  My husband said he'd support me; he knows acting is my passion.  But I'd want to be a full-time mom, too, so I don't know.  I'm not looking to become a huge star…

You just want to do the work…
Yeah.  I'd love to do independent films, theatre.  Do it for me.  Of course, if something happened and I got offered a bigger role in a big film that would be fine, too.

What, exactly, is "The Noble Stone"?
It's actually "The Noblest One".

Don't I feel like the fool.  So, you are a real "Jersey Girl"? Born and bred?
Yup.

Where did you go to high school?
Manchester High.

Hmm, a public school?  No uniforms then?
No.

Well, that shortens this interview by a few questions.  So, tell the truth, you're not always this sweet, are you?
Oh, I am, I have to say.  I know I can be bitchy, especially once a month or so but I just don't see why people are nasty.  I mean, some people call here and they're just assholes.  Why?

Ooo, any good stories?
No.  It just seems, and I don't want to say this, I don't want anybody from the west coast to think that I'm dissing them, because I'm not, but I've notice people from L.A. have attitudes more than the east coast people.

Which is odd because folks think it's just the opposite.
I know!  From my experience here I have noticed that the people from New York are very friendly but 90%, well, 60% of the people from the west coast are a little snobbier.

Do you think they're just under more pressure than we are?
Yes, exactly.  That's what I think it is.  I mean, they are.  Ninety-five percent of the people out there are in the business and they're constantly under stress.

What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
God!  I don't know.  I don't know if I've ever done anything really mean.

Have you ever been in a fist fight?
Once, when I was ten.  But that doesn't really count.

Who won?
Umm, my grandmother broke it up.

What were you fighting about?
I don't know.  A Barbie doll probably.

This was a fight with a girl, I hope.
Yes.  Sandra Mitchell, yes.

Sandra Mitchell?  That's my mom's name.
No it is not!  Sandra Mitchell?  Get out of here.  Really?

Swear to God.
I wonder if it's... no, it couldn't be.  I'm not old enough to be your mom.

You're not old enough to be me.  But let's keep ages a secret.  I am, however, about the same age as your husband.  Which makes what I'm doing right now all the more pathetic, don't you think?
No, I'd love to have your job.  Are you kidding?

Word on the street is that you're hauling stakes and setting up camp in brand new digs.  Are you thrilled or just ready to get it over with?
We're buying a house about five minutes from where we're living now.  It's the first time I'll be living in a house of my own.  I actually lived with my parents until I got married.  But the people who are living there [in the new house] now won't leave, so it's just a big drawn-out mess.  Our closing date keeps getting pushed back so in the meantime we're living with my parents; and my brother and his wife are living there, too.  So, it's just been so fun.

It's a family affair!
Oh my God!  Like tonight, our big thing, we're going to get a couple bottles of wine and watch "I Spit on Your Grave".  We do this every weekend.  And we have "Sopranos" night.  I think I am going to be sad a little when my house is ready.

Tell me something about yourself that would shock most people.
I am probably a lot dorkier than people would assume.  I just like chillin' with the family.

Really?  You're a family-type person, eh?
Oh, yeah.  I have the coolest family in the world, I have to admit.  They make fun of me here [at VA].  They think I'm the biggest dork because I look forward to going home and hanging with them, talking, watching horror movies.

Big Italian family?
Half Italian.  The other half is Scottish.

Me too.
Italian and Scottish?

No, no.  The other half is Irish.  Ever been to Scotland?
No, but I want to go there eventually.

You should go, it's great.  It's humbling to see things that have been standing longer than this country has been a nation.
Yeah, my grandfather is from there, right outside of Edinburgh.

Name the one thing about yourself that you hate the most.
In my late teens, my self esteem.  I struggled with eating disorders and stuff.  It kept me from focusing on my career because I was too focused on getting myself better.  If I could go back and change it… if I could feel the way I do now then my life would be a lot better.  I mean I am happy with my life now, but my career would definitely be a lot better.

How long did you struggle with it?
Throughout high school; until I was about nineteen.

Did you eat too much or too little?
It was actually both.  I used to make myself throw up.  I got busted by my [now] sister-in-law.  She caught me and told my parents and they sent me to counseling and everything.  And I used to starve myself.  Actually, I found a diary from when I was younger and it was like "I had three 'No Doz' and two cups of coffee, half a celery stick.  I did really good."  It was just horrible.  I read that and it brings me to tears.  My mind was just so messed up thinking I was so fat.  I was about 95 pounds.  It was just horrible.

[Amy has to take care of some VA business so we take a short break.  She won't tell me who was on the phone, even though I ply her with liquor and jewels.]

Let's continue with your eating disorders.
It all kind of exploded.  I remember I was in counseling and when I left I was a total mess.  I got into a bad car accident and from that point on I decided to get my shit together.  Focus on what's important, not my weight.  It was all just psychological stuff.  I don't know if eating disorders are hereditary, but my aunt is anorexic and has been for as long as I've been alive.  She's still struggling and she's 60.

And you believe eating disorders are psychological?
Definitely.  You just have no control over your life so you feel like you can take control of [your weight].  You focus on controlling everything you put in your mouth, every pound you put on.  I was having a really hard time.  A lot of deaths; my cousin and my grandfather died that year [1991] and it was just really bad.

Now that you have recovered from your eating disorders and self esteem problems tell me, what are your thoughts on doing nude scenes in films?
If it's not gratuitous I don't mind it.  I have no problem with nudity.  If I was approached by Playboy I would probably do it.  It just depends.  If it's classy… I would never do anything pornographic or the like.

So no "Girls in Prison" movies?
Oh, God no!  I mean, Penelope Cruz shows her breasts in "Vanilla Sky".  I'd do that.  I'd do anything I felt comfortable with.  If I felt comfortable with the director and the script was good, definitely.

Is there ever really a good reason for nudity in film?
It just keeps you hooked in.  Some love scenes are just ridiculous with people covered in sheets.  I mean, if you're having sex, you're having sex.  You're not worrying about what's showing.  So you show a little breast.  It's not going to kill you.

You mentioned that you would do a Playboy spread if asked.  Were you serious?
Probably.  Some days I'm up for it and others I don't know.  I would think so.  Today I would.

I've got my cameras and can be there in 90 minutes!
Yea!  Playboy!

Do you feel that aging actresses are given a bum deal in Hollywood?
Not so much anymore.  Maybe in the 80's, but now?  The women getting the best roles are in their 30's and 40's; Julianne Moore, Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts.  To me, the better roles are when you're a little bit older.  When you're younger, like Jessica Biel and Shannyn Sossamon it's always those roles, not that I would mind doing a "Rules of Attraction", but once you hit a certain age you can't play those roles any more.  I'd rather play in "The Ring" than "Forty Days and Forty Nights" or get offered a part in a "Mullholland Dr." where you're actually showing some range.

Of the old birds still out there are there any you'd like to see more of?
Jessica Lange, Michelle Pfeiffer, who is doing "White Oleander", Meryl Streep… Jodie Foster, too.  She doesn't do enough stuff.  They're who I want to emulate.  Getting to that point would be amazing.  You know, I don't want to be one of those actresses that just does it for the money.  To me it's about the material.

What are the odds you'd leave your husband and run away with me?
Oh, they're very good.  No, my husband's a sweety.  I'm not leaving him any time soon.

Wasn't this easy?
It was!  It's my first interview.

Really?
Well, I did one online, but his is my first one live; actually having to come up with answers right away.  Of course, I'll probably read it and go "My God! Why did I say that?"

Well, is there anything you want to add?  Any plugs?  Care to compliment me in any way?
Dave, I love you.  You are the man!  Thank you so much for thinking of me for this interview and taking the time to interview someone who is not Kevin Smith…

…but often confused with Kevin Smith.  Since the diet he's much more svelte.
He is.  I understand why people mistake me for him.  I would like to plug my brother's band, "The Maybes".  No website, yet.  I'll post to the VA board when I have show dates.