Wow!
What’s this? A column from that fat fuck?
Yep,
its time for everyone’s favorite uncle with the sweaty roll full of quarters
in his pocket to return. 1 told you I wouldn’t write back until something
interesting had happened.
After
my last column, not a lot has happened. Or I should say it happens in
chunks. Some days so much happens I feel stunned. Some days, eh… well,
let’s just say my biggest accomplishment was getting out of bed.
But
there have been several wondrous developments as of late.
First,
I have lost weight. I started modifying my diet, writing down what I eat
and most importantly exercising. It seems to be going pretty well. I lost
over 20 pounds so far. Not that you can tell. I still can’t see myself
naked without looking in a mirror. I do miss seeing my penis.
Secondly, I am writing… lots. For me that is. I am up to page twenty seven
on my screenplay which, for me, is great considering I am really feeling a
lot of the scenes gel. I even think I could sell this screenplay, as it’s a
comedy, so I am not passionate about making it.
However, and this is the most unusual development, there is one project.
One dream project I have always had my eye on. For years it sat still, not
even in development.
Until
January. The author acquired the rights back to the book. I, like an
idiot, discover the email address for the author and sent this gushing
letter.
“Hello,
My name is Adam Appel. I absolutely love your book
Your book taught me to dream. Mydream was to see the book on the big
screen.
With my name as the director.
Unfortunately it appears you are close to finally
getting this movie made. I have a couple of projects
I am going to do on my own. To develop and hone my
skills, as well as to show that I can handle sensitive
material such as this.
However, by that time, my small dream will on the big
screen, with another name attached. Oh well.
My bigger dream is to see this movie made, period. I
hope it does well, and it gets in the hands of the
right director. I wholly believe that this film could
ber an Oscar contender if directed by the right
person.
Take care, look forward to seeing your
name in lights.
Adam”
That’s
all it said. It didn’t say I had any credentials I didn’t present myself as
having anything right?
Then I
receive this.
Dear Adam Appel,
Thanks for your kind and sensitive message about the film. I appreciate your
good wishes, and have passed your message along to our produce and
executive produce, G. I wish you all the best in whatever projects of your
own you work to bring to the screen. One of the things I've learned from the
book development is that sometimes success takes a long, long time, so it's
important to never give up, no matter how long it takes.
Warmest best regards,
P
The
next day, I received this.
Adam,
P has forwarded me your email and asked that I get in touch
with you. My name is G. I am the executive producer for the film. Please
provide me a contact number and I will call you.
Thanks,
G
Can
you believe this?
Now, I
know I do not have the experience nor the talent resources yet to direct one
of the most epic gay love stories ever, but Christ, can you imagine? It was
like Steven Spielberg calling and saying, “Hey, would you like to shoot JAWS
5?” It was incredible. For one brief shining moment, someone thought I
might be capable of directing a movie as great as this.
This
has got me all sorts of inspired though because in order to showcase a
degree of talent, and to get my directing certificate, I am going to direct
a live to tape 120 minute television project. I don’t think I can use
anything copyrighted. I had briefly considered trying to do “Twelve Angry
Men.” But to be honest, it’s like remaking Psycho, why mess with the best?
So I
have to write my own script, and get it done by the second week of August.
Wish me luck, everyone!
And
until next column, enjoy your time on the Crapper! |
