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For those
of you who cant get enough of Insomniac on Comedy Central, I'm sure you've
seen the episode where Dave Attell was in some city in the northwest and
went to a bear club. The smoke-filled joint w/ the big hairy men who were
piercing their dicks? I knew that would ring a bell. When trying to find a
good site for this week's column, which in all actuality takes me all week
to do because I only want to bring you the good stuff, I remembered that
episode and did a quick search. It lead me to BearPorn.com, which is a site
completely and utterly dedicated to anything having to deal w/ swollen burly
men.
It is a pretty well put together
site. I almost see it as an online community because you can actually
participate in some areas. The site runs on a free trade system, which makes
the site free for those who upload images of themselves or other pictures
that they took. This is where it gets shady. You get X amount of free
credits which allows you to open small thumbnails to a larger size. When you
run out of credits, you can either upload some pics or you can pay $10 for
14 days of unlimited credits. The way around having to take pictures of
yourself is to go to any other random porn site with just a picture of an
erupting dick, saving it, and then just upload it to them. If there is a
banner or something on the pic itself, just save it, open it and cut it to
the size in which the name of the website it originally came from is gone.
Or if you are just that lazy, select the larger pics option for the gallery
size. The only thing is that you can't open the thumbnails. If you do opt to
upload or fork up some cash, then you can view all pics and vote on them.
When you open a gallery, there will be a number below the picture, which is
the overall rating that viewers gave it. When it comes to the galleries,
there is an ample selection and the pics are subcategorized. For instance, I
opened a pic in the art section w/ a guy who was giving head to a tree w/ a
strapped on dildo. This was also listed in the cocks and blowjob sections.
So it seems there has been a lot of time and effort put into this site and
it shows. That or the guy suffers from some sort of organizational OCD.
I think the best thing about this
site is that the 'models' are so diverse. Some will pose in an arm behind
the head trying to give you this seductive look pose while others are hard
ass and militant looking. Guys super imposing pics of them naked into
cityscapes. When it comes to 'facials' there is nothing funnier. You see
pics of women waiting for the moneyshot w/ almost a look of fear in their
eyes. But these guys are waiting in loving anticipation for the finale.
They're like little kids at Christmas.
And if you're not really into super
sweaty guy on guy action then they do have a general couples section. That
is the scariest part of the whole thing. Some trucker babe w/ worn out
bleached and permed hair in a hotel room w/ that drunken old Saint Nick bum
you've seen at the bus station from time to time. Hot! I can only imagine
what it smells like in that room. I'm glad that technology hasn't gotten
that far along that I may be able to actually smell the stink that has been
produced from their bodily fluids.
There is also an option for you to
make your very own 'favorites' section. So that when you come back you don't
have to use any more credits. You can also view the site owners favorites
although he swears that they all have a place in his ass, uh, heart.
The Rating Scale
1- I got so bored I gave up and got a sandwich
2- I ended up squatting over a mirror
3- The easy one-hander
4- Lube worthy
5- Oh my god, I shot myself in the eye!
BearPorn.com - I gave them a 4.
Genuine amateurs. From art to uniforms to 3 ways you really can spend some
time on this site. The navigation is plain and simple. No pop-up ads and
very few banners. I think that the free trade system really worked w/ this
site since people actually did upload some pics. I tried to convince my
boyfriend to strike a pose for the camera so I could send one in but he
wasn't too enthused or amused. I think I just liked this site because it was
seemed so friendly. They're just all about rocking w/ their cocks out. If
you're into under-the-balls taint pics, hairy assholes, and true cum in your
face lovers, then maybe you should just admit to yourself that you're gay,
skip the site find the nearest gay bar.
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