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Forty
Whacks with a Wet Noodle Bart!
What better way to spend a beautiful
afternoon in Massachusetts than rummaging through a bloody murder scene? A
friend of mine recently lost his mind and moved from Boston to Fall River,
Mass. A broken down old industrial town Fall River doesn't offer much in the
way of entertainment. After wracking our brains and drinking a few beers,
O.K. more than a few beers, I asked my friend Frank
"Hey, Didn't Lizzie Borden slaughter
her parents here in Fall River."
To which he responded, "Why Yes, Yes
she sure did".
With that we were out the door and on the trail of that super villain of the
1800's Lizzie Borden. Our first stop on our adventure was the murder scene
itself, the home where 32 year old Lizzie lived with her sister, father and
stepmother. The home has been restored and is a complete replica of how it
appeared on August 4, 1892, the day of the murders. Perhaps you are familiar
with the old nursery rhyme on the subject? Or maybe it is just a Mass thing?
Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave
her mother forty whacks
when she saw what she had done she gave her father forty one.
Upon arriving at the Lizzie Borden
House we got the full tour and learned that the Lizzie Borden murder trail
was the OJ case of the time. Lizzie Borden was eventually acquitted but the
public never believed in her innocence. We also learned that the nursery
rhyme was a bit off, Mrs. Borden got 19 whacks and Mr. Borden only 11. Being
in a house was creepy enough, but we were even more creeped out when we
learned that not only can people tour the house but that people can also
sleep over. The Borden homestead is both a museum and a bed and breakfast.
How appetizing. You and your honey can book a night in the Lizzie Borden
house and in the morning you are actually treated to the same breakfast Mr
and Mrs. Borden had on their last morning, their final meal.
Our next stop on our trip was the
Fall River Historical Society. Here we saw the crushed skulls of the Bordens,
the axe used as the murder weapon and tufts of bloody human hair. This and
all sorts of other evidence from the trial were on display. We soon left
both completely disgusted yet oddly interested plus our buzzes were just
about to wear off.
I don't know why I'm telling you guys all about this. To me it just seems
interesting how as a culture we are so obsessed with the truly brutal. Fall
River has nothing else going on, and is basically on the map because of an
ax murder hundreds of years ago. In 50 years will people be out west
sleeping over in Jon Benet's room, seeing her last pair of footy pajamas and
eating fruit loops or whatever her last meal was? That very thought is
disturbing to me, but at the same time I'm intrigued by things like Lizzie
Borden or Jack the Ripper. Is it because these are "old timey" crimes it
feel ok to still exploit them? Is it because I can't think of Lizzie Borden
without thinking of the Jury of the Damned and Martin Prince in a dress? I
don't know. I have my fiercely liberal indignation about exploitation, but I
have to admit to having a sick fascination with these things as well.
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