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Magnolia like a MOFO.
In my opinion the two top movies of
1999 were Dogma and Magnolia, in that order. I have been a
poster on the VA board for a long time, but due to work constraints I lurked
for a few years prior to actually setting up my handle and adding more
stupidity and rubbish our online community. Posters sometimes look back upon
the Dogma years and prior as "the good old days" of the VA board. To that I
say bollocks (I dedicate my witty use of British vernacular to POJK, you
wacky Brit). I don't care if you are new school or old school the board is
as shitty and useless as we make it, and I'll be the first to take the
blame.
One of the first scandals of my
personal VA memory was over the film Magnolia. Kevin didn't care for
the movie, blah blah and the Internet sheep went wild. Post after post
railed against PT Anderson and his film. A select few decided that they
should perhaps have their own opinion (meaning they liked it and weren't
afraid to say so) to the shock and horror of the rest of the board, and an
Internet holocaust ensued. OK, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it was that
stupid. Years have passed and our community has matured beyond these petty
squabbles (cough) and I feel it is now a safe environment for me to tell my
personal P.T. Anderson story, after all we all have one.
I was living in Studio City, Ca
between 1999 and 2001. Just down the street from me was a pretty good
bookstore called Bookstar. Basically it was the equivalent of Barnes
and Noble but on a smaller scale. It was a perfect Friday in March and I was
browsing the bookstore in a sad attempt to meet and pick up men. OK, I was
new to the area and had nothing better to do that night. Sad I know. I
didn't pick up a man; but rather I picked up Fiona Apple. Literally.
I was in the film section towards the
front of the store and I was checking out the Clerks/Chasing Amy screenplay
book. While flipping through it, someone turned the corner and slammed right
into me full force. It was like a butterfly hitting a brick wall and I gazed
down to see who had hit my hulking 5'6 frame. It was none other than Fiona
Apple. She got kinda worked up and apologized profusely. She seemed to feel
really bad, but it wasn't a big deal at all. My motherly instinct kicked in
and all I wanted to do was take this tiny girl out for a few milkshakes and
a chowder to put some meat on her bones. Despite clunky army boots and a
giant army jacked she was even more waifish than in her videos. I guess the
camera does add ten pounds, but at least she wasn't rolling around on 70's
Naugahyde.
We chatted for a minute or two when
her boyfriend came over to find out where his little chickadee had
disappeared to. She explained that she had slammed into me and he kinda
laughed. This guy looked familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. He had
that Geek Sheik look that is still all the rage with the young arty types.
He looked down at the Kevin Smith book I was still holding and said that it
was a good book, that he had read it too. Then they left to browse the store
some more. I went about my business and checked out some other books in the
film section.
A little bit later I wandered around
the middle of the store near the checkouts and saw Fiona's boyfriend with a
huge stack of coffee table art books. There was already a stack of them on
the counter and another stack waiting to be brought up. The staff of the
story was buzzing around her boyfriend and virtually ignoring her. I thought
it was odd that they were ignoring Fiona, but what was even more odd was
that this guy was buying like 35 giant coffee table books. But this is
Hollywood and it wasn't the weirdest thing that I had seen that day. (A
beggar dressed as Santa Clause in March wins that distinction). So anywho, I
left the story thinking, what a weird experience and with out the Kevin
Smith book (sorry Kevin, I was poor).
That night when my roommate got home
I told him my Fiona Apple story and how her boyfriend bought a shit load of
coffee table books. He gave me a gentle headslap, called me a meatball and
said; "Don't you know who her boyfriend is?" I had no idea, but it turned
out to be none other than the illustrious and VA board hated Paul Thomas
Anderson. My reply, as my usual, was "No Shit!" Having been in LA for only a
few months I was still excited about all my celebrity sightings. But this
time I didn't even know that I had experienced a two for one sighting. I
was a meatball. Not only had I met P.T. Anderson, I didn't even
wish the chap good luck on the Oscars nod or for a job.
Magnolia was up for Best Supporting Actor (Cruise) and Best Original
Screenplay. It lost to Michael Caine and American Beauty
respectively. I don't know if any of you remember the Oscars that year, but
I sat and watched to see if my new friends (cough) would win. My celeb
encounter had only been two days prior, so I was rooting for my new "peeps"
or "homies" as they say out there. Sadly they didn't win, but Oh My! did
they did look pissed! They had none of that fake smile, clap for the winner
as if it was no bid deal. They were pissed and it showed. Good for them, I'd
probably be pissed too. I don't know what made P.T. Anderson more upset, the
Oscar loss or the fact that he might now have to return thousands of dollars
worth of coffee table books. So this is my P.T Anderson story, and I eagerly
await his new movie Punch Drunk Love, but not as much as Jersey
Girl so don't flame me you savages. So if you have a P.T Anderson story
you'd like to share, I'd love to hear it. And if you ever get the chance to
meet this fine director please do me a favor and ask him one question for
me. What the fuck was up with all those coffee table books?
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