Where Are
They Now?
Do you ever wonder what happens to those VA board members whom mysteriously
disappear? One week they're posting to a whole bunch of stupid and probably
off topic shit, the next they're gone.never to be seen again. My second of
my weekly column called Investigative Reporting will discuss the whereabouts
of those posters whom we may never see again and after months of research I
found the following:
(This is a two part post and please
tell me how you think in the Askew Crapper Forum.)
The Newbie Poster
Who is This Person? Yes this is the poster most spoken of and I decided that
we ought to start off with him, or her. They are found in the age range of
11-14, and make their outside VA lives downloading porn, and talk to their
friends (if they have any) about how they wish they had some weed....and
knew how to smoke it. Usually this is the poster whom comes on the board and
asks for the following: Where to send their Jay and Silent Bob Go To Las
Vegas script, tell everyone that Jay and Silent Bob are the best in seven
misspellings or less (almost poetic, eh?), or ask a dim-witted "Found in
Summaries", question. They post using as many swears that can fit into a
rational (and sometimes irrational) sentence, and when flamed decide to take
their petty lives out on the regulars. They make up many horrible "You fuck
your momma jokes" to which are responded with witty responses by the
regulars. They usually don't make it past their first few posts, and are
regularly flamed when they do. These are the posters that are at the bottom
of the food chain, and survive on only the thoughts that they may hear from
Jason Mewes in the near future.
Where are They now?: This person
after being flamed into depression, logged off their personal computers for
the first time in years, and thought things over. Realizing how truly
pathetic their life is decided it would be best to hang themselves in their
parents linen closet. They are never thought of again on the board, except
for the occasional "Mock Newbie" post (which really doesn't refer to them,
but newbies in general) and aren't missed.
I spoke with the parent of a newbie
and he had this statement to make: "Little Johnny* was such a fine young boy
with lots of promise.if he would have spent more time in the outside world,
instead of thinking he was "Cool" posting "Jay and Silent Bob Rule" on that
damned internet message board."
The *once* Regular poster.
Who is this Person? This poster once had time for this site on a regular
basis, and unlike the newbies, had the quality's of being intelligent and
sometimes even witty. They lye in the range of 16-35, and lived their
outside VA lives a quite regular life outside of VA. They post off-topic
most of the time, but they seem to know a lot about VA otherwise and even
their off-topic posts most of the time have a certain feeling of wittiness
to them.
Where Are They Now? Well this poster
had a "moment of clarity" and decided it was time to call it quits on the
board, and went off to find something better in life to waste their free
time on, but occasionally makes an appearance on the VA board to tell
everyone how much better it used to be back in the day, and is responded by
about three regulars whom say "No It Wasn't!"
I spoke to a previous board member,
Timmy* and he had to say a couple things:
Timmy: "Well First I want to point
out the VA Board nowadays sucks ass, not like Back in the Day off course."
Me: "Oh yeah and why do you say that?"
Timmy: "Kevin Smith doesn't even post here anymore, like Back in The Day"
Me: "Actually he posted yesterday"
Timmy: "well.back in the day he posted like every day.now he only posts
sometimes."
Me: "I don't know about that, but if so, he is a busier man now."
Timmy: "Maybe it's just because he doesn't like you guys now! He loved us
back in the day.he used to be like 'You guys are the coolest, can I get your
phone numbers sometime and we'll talk movies and shit'.but we always
declined to be nice and not bother him"
Me: "Yeah.right.Now why would you say that he doesn't like us?"
Timmy: "It's true, and he doesn't like you because you fuckers ruined the
board! Now it's all off-topic!"
Me: "He actually gave us permission to talk off-topic."
Timmy: "That's because he wanted something for you guy's to do because he
doesn't like you and wants you to keep busy and not wonder where he is all
the time."
Me: "Interesting Point."
Timmy: "That's Why I don't post here anymore; back in the day it wasn't'
like this"
Me: "You keep saying 'Back in the Day', so please tell me, what was it like
'Back in the Day'"
Timmy: "Awe Man it was awesome!"
Me: "How So?"
Timmy: "The Thing about then...."
Me: "Yes.it was?"
Timmy: "Man we could.do..some..."
Me: "Spit it out!"
Timmy: "Awe Fuck, It wasn't better! It's almost better now! I mean now you
talk all off-topic, all the time! And the only reason I left is because I
didn't want to seem like a loser for posting here all the time!"
Me: "So your saying it's great here?"
Timmy: "Yup, and I wish I hadn't left" sniffle, sniffle.
Me: "Awe there there now, we'll get you a screen name, you can start posting
and all will be good."
Timmy: Sniff "thank" Sniff "you"
Next week more posters long gone.
* Names have been changed to protect
these people. |
