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Mad
Lynch Disease Timmy Frammy,
12 years old and a newbie poster at the View Askew WWWboard. He first
entered the board to make several references to Jay and Silent Bob in a
attempt to receive appraise from the board members and more importantly
Kevin Smith. But little did Timmy Know (he posts under "" by the way) that
evening was going to change his life forever, a red poster by the name of
Brian Lynch was doing his annual post of Patchouli, and Timmy unknowing of
the powers held with in decided to read the forbidden comic..from then on,
Mad Lynch Disease contaminated him.
Jules Wolf, 36 years old, a regular,
was there on that same fateful night, to post his thoughts on a recent Mike
Myers movie, which he would be flamed by from tasteless movie goers (by the
way it does suck), he too curious of patchouli's adventures clicked on
Lynch's Patchouli link to find out more. Little did he know that Mad Lynch
disease spreads easily through the use of comics, especially Brian Lynch
comics, but it was too late for this one, Mad lynch Disease had infected
him.
Two men's lives ruined, when they had
so much to show for the future! But where does Lynch disease come from? And
How did it originate? And who the hell is Brian Lynch? This week's
Investigative reporting will discuss the origins of.."MAD LYNCH DISEASE".
Brian Lynch was born in Appleton,
Wisconsin in 1973. He was raised by two Circus freaks named Isabel and
Fernando, and lived a pretty fucked up childhood. At the age of 10, he ran
away from home and lived in a Hobo Camp in western Kentucky. There he made
35 cents a day telling stories to the Hobos that entered the camp. One day
in search of food a met a man named Patrick Swanson. Patrick was just as
poor as little Lynch, he never wore clothes, and got quite angry all of the
time but that didn't stop Lynch and Swanson from starting a friendship.
Patrick Swanson was a master at
Voodoo, and even taught Lynch some nifty tricks including how to control
people through the use of drawings and sentence arragnements. Lynch wanted
to use these powers for good, so he set off to the only place that a 15 year
old, Voodoo driven comic Book artist could make a living.New Jersey.
To Be Continued.
Well This is as far as I'll go for
this week on this subject this week, but with the rest of the article I'm
going to tackle another. Let's just say, next week's investigative reporting
will be my last article under that name.I mean c'mon, I don't think I'm
pulling my weight for what's supposed to be a funny, and original column.
What I'm saying sometimes comes off as un-witty, and totally predictable;
but that's just my opinion.and probably half of yours.
So my next column, will be a column
that Brian Lynch gave me the idea for. I will go back into the bowels of
history and uncover WWWboards of times long gone, and give them neat little
reviews. But what I need from you people is what boards you want to be given
ratings, try to find the board, and link it (perhaps it's the first post of
yours, or your favorite) and if it is not a archived board maybe you have it
saved, and send that to me. Or I'll just do a board from the previous week.
Well it was a short column this week
but I've been suffering from a severe case of writer block so I must end it
early. Thanks.
Kev Hoffman |
