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There is
a very apparent theme in this week’s column. It has affected my life more
than anything else ever has.
Story
Shocked
This
weekend my parents came to visit me. An aunt of mine, who I lived with for a
few months, was visiting and she wanted to see me. This explains the
reasoning behind the trip; at least this is what I was meant to believe.
I gave my
parents and aunt a tour of my new apartment. During the tour my dad
mentioned that my mom needed some rest as she hasn’t been feeling well. I
figured that this problem must be because of her stomach. Lately this summer
she has had trouble with stomach pains, so I just thought an ulcer was
acting up. I needed some food & house wares so I asked them to take me
shopping. I have no car at school, so anytime I can get a ride I like to
take advantage of it.
During
the drive to a shopping center I started to inquire to my mom about her not
feeling well. It turns out that my assumption about the stomach pains was
correct, then the bombshell hits. My mother has stomach cancer, not only
that, but it is in the advanced stages. She was diagnosed a week ago (around
my birthday) and the reason for the trip was to tell me this. In tears, she
lets me know that she has already had her first treatment of chemo. I’m
speechless. The second after I had asked her what was wrong I knew what the
answer was going to be. Intuitively, I knew what she was going to say, but I
just didn’t want her to have to say it. A few days before I was born my
grandmother (her mother) was diagnosed with the same thing; she would die
two months later.
I spent
some more of the afternoon with my parents and aunt. I knew things were bad,
but I hadn’t acknowledged it yet. I just felt sick. After lunch I asked if I
could be taken home so I could take a nap (my mother needed rest too). They
would pick up me in a few hours, along with my girlfriend, and take us out
to eat. I had my dad drop me off at my girlfriend’s dorm.
I went to
her dorm room hoping that she would be there. I asked her roommate to leave
the room because I wanted to talk to my girlfriend. This is the time, two
hours after I had found out, I begin to cry. I am a person who rarely cries,
I’m talking about maybe 3 times in the past 6 years have I shed tears. I
cried more than I knew was possible. I am very thankful that my girlfriend
was there to console me, and that I had felt comfortable enough with her to
be able to express myself this way. After we fell asleep, my parents called
and it was dinner time. After dinner, my mom and I promised we wouldn’t
worry about each other. I lied, because I am worrying
Rant
Cancer
I know
that I don’t have to say much about this, but right now it is really on my
mind. Everything in my life has been switched around. My father is 27 years
older than my mom and he has diabetes along with heart disease. I have grown
up preparing myself that he will likely die when I am at a younger age, and
I’ll have my mother around; I never thought these roles would be switched.
It upsets
me that right when my dad is feeling better than he has in years (he had
heart surgery this year), this happens to my mom. It’s not fair. I
understand that “life isn’t fair”, but FUCK!
I am not
a religious person. I’m not sure if I should find solace in God, or if I
should hate him.
Top 5
List
Things I bought this week to get my mind of all of this
-
Bookcase
-
Road to Perdition comic
-
Clerks comic
-
Chasing Dogma comic
-
Velcro shoes
Quote of the Week
"The
essence of optimism is that it takes no account of the present, but it is a
source of inspiration, of vitality and hope where others have resigned; it
enables a man to hold his head high.”
--
Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-45), German Protestant theologian |
