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By Joe Parrillo
December 23, 2004
Break out the cigars!
Years ago I
made a conscious decision to never have children. It’s a decision with
which I was at peace. In fact, it was quite peaceful in my home all the
time. However, an event occurred recently which would forever change my
life and suddenly thrust upon me the joy and responsibilities of parenting.
Upon waking
one morning I embarked on my rather typical morning routine. Soon I was
sitting at my computer smoking my first cigarette of the day. Without
warning I fell victim to a fit of coughing. Not all that unusual in itself
but the ferocity of the particular hacking sent parts of my body into
violent spasms. It would all end when I expectorated something
mammoth…moving…alive! There was no question. This could be nothing other
than a miracle. I was blessed with an offspring. Although I was somewhat
taken aback at the grotesque site of my new infant I soon felt the joy and
love that only a parent can feel.
As the
paternal instinct took over the very essence of my soul I felt the
unconditional love that one can only feel for a child. There were so many
special moments those first few days: singing songs together, baking
Christmas cookies, and Junior’s first sleigh ride. Why, for so many years
had I denied myself this bliss? Not for a moment did I take for granted the
special time we shared nor did I once shirk the demands of fatherhood.
But not far
off tragedy loomed. The world as I now knew it began to change for the
worse on a warm day in December. I returned from work one afternoon and
couldn’t wait to take advantage of the unusually warm weather. I rushed to
take Junior outside to enjoy the gentle breeze and the warm caress of the
Sun. We marveled at the beauty of nature as we sat together listening to
the song of birds in the nearby trees. Then, for the first time, I knew the
horror every parent dreads. My child did not look well. He had lost his
lively glow and appeared to be… shriveling.
Without
hesitation I rushed my son to the hospital. With desperation and conviction
I had never previously experienced I demanded that the doctors attend to my
ill son immediately. As I sat in the waiting area, head in hands, I
questioned if I could have been given this beautiful gift only to have it
taken away so abruptly. When the doctor step into the room and called my
name my legs were trembling to the point I couldn’t stand up.
The doctor
sat next to me and explained the situation with a great deal of compassion
and professionalism. It would seem that my son was actually a big blob of
mucous and sputum. Apparently, the exposure to the Sun had caused a loss of
turgidity thus causing his wilted appearance. I asked the doctor to be
straight with me and tell me if my child was going to make it. He informed
me that he was not alive. As I sobbed uncontrollably the doctor said he
would like me to speak to the hospital’s psychiatrist. I appreciated the
doctor’s concern for my loss but I did not need consolation. I left the
hospital trying to come to grips with what had happened.
The months
that followed were difficult for me but I will never forget the love that
Junior and I shared for that short moment in time. Junior, you are the
apple of my eye, the light of my life, and the wind beneath my wings. Daddy
will always love you. |
