Polls.
Poles. Pollz. Ever notice when the board gets
slow? Someone decides to post a poll. I never quite
understood the concept. I lurk at a plethora of
WWWBoards, and this phenomenon is unique to the
ViewAskewinverse. Nowhere else.
We've got levels of polls here. The
top, of course,
being the polls posted by the people who have been
around forever. I've noticed the quality of the poll
is in direct relation to the number of years the
poster has been around. Then there are Poll Wannabes.
There are Pole Mockers. Yet, if you look at any given
WWWBoard, you'll find at least 20 different polls
going at any given moment. Here are what you'll find:
1) The Old-Timers Poll - usually has
a catchy name,
like "Dance my pole!". The name, backed by the
integrity of the "Real ViewAskwew Poster-ness" of the
poster, usually sparks a keen interest amongst the
masses. Questions range from VA favorite moments,
breakfast cereals, comic questions, and potentially
compromising positions VA posters could potentially
find themselves in with other VA Posters. These polls
usually generate the most response. The answers seem
to usually be truthful (except an old-timer or two who
scream "I FUCKING HATE POLLS" and proceed to give
ridiculous answers (which also explains where the plus
or minus 5% for error in Gallup Polls must come from,
surly VA Old-Timers getting back at telemarketers). I
confess, I do read these polls. I admit I have my
"favorites" amongst you all (which you will never get
out of me, unless of course you'd like to woo me with
cash and a decent cabernet.... girlwholurks@yahoo.com
for all inquiries...) and I find these polls to be
occasional snatches into what you are all about on the
inside. There is something reassuringly safe about
responding to these polls, people feel like they can
be honest and forthright in their responses, without
too much fear of ridicule. It's all so sweet!
2) The 3:35 The Board Is Dead So We
Must Need A Poll!
Poll - these are usually generated by Board Regulars
(too new to be considered Old Timers but not Fucking
Newbies ( FN)). I sometimes think these folks are
terrified that somehow, Ben Nieporent embedded the
board with a Super Secret Script which would be
triggered by a late-afternoon lull. This script would
not only cause the WWWBoard to implode, but also cause
production to halt at all Mountain Dew facilities
worldwide, kill all small and cute baby animals
worldwide, and give Kevin Smith a terrible case of
Orange Stool induced writer's block. So to prevent
these horrors from happening, they whip up a tasty
little poll. These polls almost always have Chasing
Amy questions in them for some reason. They also ask
about music preferences, opinions on the newest movies
released and usually ask which compromising positions
posters would like to see Steve-Dave and Walt in.
3) The Fucking Newbie Poll -
occasionally the FN will
try to win board approval by trying his hand at a
poll. Usually this poll appears right after the Lull
Poll (interestingly, right after school lets out!).
His poll will ask burning questions like "Snoogens or
Snoochie Boochies?", favorite sexual positions (which
he's read about in Penthouse Forum, but actually has
no clue as to what it would really be like with a
woman) and usually some comment about Fred Durst. This
poll is always answered with a "FUCK YOU NEWBIE" and
"LEARN TO SPELL SNOOGANS AND SNOOTCHIE BOOTCHIES". No
one ever actually answers the questions, except maybe
the FN using a new screenname to try to trick people
into doing the lemming thing and joining along. Never
actually works. This type of poll is most amusing
because it inevitably starts a debate about what
exactly the WWWBoard should be used for. Some folks
start whining for the "good old days" when the Other
Board still existed. They wax philosophical about how
the board is now cluttered with stupid OT topics, and
they would be better off using the old White Board.
Others counter that with the "well no one from HERE
actually posted THERE and THOSE people are all DICKS"
argument. This is quickly followed with 6-10 posts
defending the posters at the Other Board, calling the
people who brought this spot of sore contention up
some other type of penis reference. Yet more chime in
with the "Well Kevin SAYS we can post off-topic if we
wanna now!" Back. Forth. Nothing is ever resolved,
and the argument fizzles out after people leave work
or go out for beer.
Yep. Polls. The bread and butter of
the VA Board.
At least until we get some good Jersey Girl scoop.
NEXT WEEK: The Phenomenon of the
Fangirl. |
