The
fangirl.
Interesting VA phenomenon.
Why interesting?
Well, if you look at it with your
"stereotype" glasses stapled to your head, on the surface, the world of
Kevin Smith is certainly not for "girls". Comic books. Star Wars. Movies
ripe with good ole dick and fart jokes. And a WWWBoard so saturated with
guys, one could get tan from all the testosterone.
Sure, he uses some pretty boys in his
movies, which certainly explains a little. Eyecandy. And perhaps he's just
in touch with his "feminine" side, but Kevin can whip off amazing dialogue
about relationships, both characters speaking from the heart, gender
specific. Unlike a lot of guys who write female dialogue, Kevin has the
uncanny ability to put words in a woman's mouth that sound BELIEVABLE. But
these two points aside, there isn't a lot that would lead you to believe
Kevin would have a small army of female fans.
But, we do get fangirls. I'm stating
for the record, I'm not talking about the few regular gals who post all the
time. They are intelligent, well-read, and can go toe to toe with some of
the most notorious of the VA guys and leave the poor sots whimpering in the
corner with their limp little dicks in their hands.
I mean the OTHER kinds. Two to be
specific.
1) The I LOVE YOU BEN/MATT/JASON/JAY
stalker fangirl. These are the chicks who leave those insipid posts,
yodelling their undying devotion to the pretty boys of the Askewniverse. The
messages are the same. I love you. You have to write to me. When are you
going to come to (insert name of stalker's hometown)? I love you. The
regulars are often kind at first (unless the girl seems decidedly whackier
than the usual gang of stalker idiots) and gently point out that
BEN/MATT/JASON/JAY don't come to the boards very often, and don't post
responses to threads like this. The girl, an FN, doesn't get how the board
works. She takes the lack of BEN/MATT/JASON/JAY interest as a sign they
didn't get the post the first time around. So she posts again. The same
fucking message. This serves to irritate the regulars, who then call her
names (usually some derogatory comment about stalker). She gets mad and
posts a whiney, bitch-laden response. You can almost hear her voice, like
the yapping of one of those stupid terrier dogs. After a few hours, when
BEN/MATT/JASON/JAY haven't admitted their reciprocal devotion, she leaves.
She doesn't come back. My guess is that she's too stupid to figure out how
to get back to the board in the first place, but maybe that's just me.
2) The Fangirl Whackjob. For some odd
reason, she seems to be connected in some way to Jason Lee. A lot of times,
we don't see this one coming. She starts out fairly polite, introduces
herself, only posts a few times a day. She'll answer polls, she'll jump into
an occasional fourty foot long conversation. But slowly, she starts to turn.
She starts getting into small fights with people. She insults some regulars.
She makes crappy comments to newbies. Then she turns outright hostile. She
starts telling these wildly irrational stories. She posts CONSTANTLY. People
either ignore her outright or just keep hammering at her, post after post.
Then she leaps off the "I'm leaving and never coming back" cliff. A
multicolored, blazing board suicide. Of course, she manages to stay around a
few extra days, looking for people to say something mean about her (which
she can't help but respond to). Then, when things finally die out, she
disappears. A few months later, we get a new one. Sometimes I think it's the
same girl.... but who knows.
Fangirls. Sure make things
interesting around there.
NEXT WEEK: Conversation with my
favorite VA poster...
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