Last week's column sucked
Will this week's be better? Ha!
I doubt it, busterSo
yeah, even though a few people enjoyed last week's feature, I really wasn't
very happy with it. Why? Well, I think it was pretty obvious it was rushed,
considering all the typos and grammatical mistakes, and I didn't really
'bring the content', if you know what I mean. The only excuse I have is that
I was under extreme traumatic stress from having to look after myself, and
even though I've improved this week, I'm still prepared to use that as
justification for any crappiness in this column.
The Week In Askew
So, it's been pretty damn exciting if
you're an online V-A fan for the past 7 days or so. Kevin came to town, not
once, not twice, but THREE times, answering all manner of questions, both
amazing and profound. And stupid, but to his credit, he still answered them
and now I can proudly say I almost understand how they make Space Ghost. I
think Raikus has been compiling all of Kevin's recent responses in an easy
to read, alphabetised manner, so go bug him if you want to read 'em. Tell
him you think his column sucks as well, he's very sensitive about things
like that, so he might start having a nervous fit if enough people blast
him. That'd rule.
Also in the news is the big crazy casting call going on for extras for a wee
film called 'Jersey Girl'. I sincerely hope that anyone who could get there
has applied or is going to apply, because I think it'd be a pretty awesome
experience working on the set of a 'major motion picture', even if you're
only an indistinct face in the background. You American V-A fans really
don't know how lucky you are, what with all the opportunities presented to
you by America's Most Caring Film Company™, and you'll really be missing out
if you don't grab said chances with both hands. Right, that's the
motivational speech over, back to the silliness.
I see that the competition for a walk-on part over at News Askew's been won,
and congratulations to whoever it was. I'm not exactly how a walk-on part is
different to being an extra but, well, it sounds cool nonetheless. Here's
hoping that the winner was an albino midget with a huge afro and a number of
bizarre skin conditions, which would surely make Jersey Girl the most
memorable film ever.
Kevin has returned
Want to be in 'Jersey Girl'?
Midgets, apply now
Feeling depressed? The pressures of
work getting you down? Wondering if it's all just a waste of time? Well, Mr
Gloomy, I'm here to make you feel better and give you a comprehensive list
of films and music to look forward to and make your life worthwhile.
Films:
Jersey Girl - I really
shouldn't have to explain why, but for those of you still fretting over the
J. Lo issue, just remember a) it's by Big Kev and b) it's set in the 80s,
the most delicious decade of them all.
Red Dragon - I'm a hopeless
Lecter fan (yes, I even enjoyed 'Hannibal') and a good prequel can be a lot
of fun, so I'm excited about this reworking of 'Manhunter'. Not that the
original was a bad film, of course, but it just didn't feel right without
Hopkins, and there were a few other things about it that didn't work as well
as they could have. Eddie Norton is a good choice for the Will Graham
character, as he's proven that he can do the whole 'angst-ridden' thing, and
whilst my natural instinct to dislike every member of the Fiennes family is
usually a problem when watching them in any films, it'll probably be a bonus
for watching Ralph as Francis Dolarhyde.
Daredevil - Even though I had
a few doubts as to how well Daredevil will do at the box office, considering
that 'The Man Without Fear' isn't the most famous of all the comic
characters, I'm confident that it'll be a damn fine movie. From the looks of
things, it'll be a lot darker than Spider-man was, which is understandable
considering that the personality it focuses on is a far more tragic one than
the web-slinger. Having said that, I get the feeling that director Mark
Steven Johnson will be taking it much further than Batman or X-Men did. He's
got an impressive cast at his disposal, and I hope he gets the best out of
them. As many know, Affleck's been a DD fan for a while, so he should have a
good idea of how to play the character, Jennifer Garner's got the whole
'ass-whooping comic book gal' experience from 'Alias', Colin Farrell was a
highlight from 'Minority Report', so I'm looking forward to seeing what he
brings to the Bullseye character, Michael Clarke Duncan might not have the
same skin tone as the original Kingpin, but I don't think there's a more
intimidating actor around and as for Joey Pantoliano… well, watch the last
series of The Sopranos. Even though he was in a supporting role for a lot of
the time (like in Daredevil), he still stole the show regularly.
Chasing Harvard - Screw all
you poseurs, Tom Green is still funny. And although Jason Lee might attract
an unhealthy amount of crazy Internet stalker chicks, he still rocks the
house AND rules the school. So, yeah, I'm certainly excited about seeing
Lee's first headlining role as a big-time Hollywood celebrity.
Jackass: The Movie - Screw all
you poseurs, Jackass is still funny. Some might be saying that it doesn't
have enough 'content' to warrant a movie, but who needs content when you've
got people hurting themselves for entertainment?
Music:
I Pity The Foo (Fighters) -
It'll be good. Dave Grohl's described every track on it as 'killer', but…
well, he would, wouldn't he? If he called it 'nothing more than a hunk of
crap which I'm only releasing because I need some more cash to buy a house
in Spain' then I'd be a little worried. Still '1X1' (or 'One By One') looks
like it'll have more depth than 'There Is Nothing Left To Lose', whilst
still retaining the hard rockin' sound, and that's got to be good. Right?
Right.
Keep Grohlin', Grohlin', Grohlin'
- Speaking of Dave, his 'other' band, Queens Of The Stone Age, have a new
album coming out on the 27th of August. If it's anything like the last, then
it'll be a must-buy, but hey - whatever you do… don't tell anyone. Or tell
everyone, like I care. It gets my seal of approval, that's all that matters
- after all, when have I ever done you wrong? Exactly.
Brit-tastic Bands To Look Out For
- Supergrass and The Music both have new albums coming out in September. I
wasn't a huge fan of the 'Grass's last album, but I'm still looking forward
to the new one. As for The Music… well, I'm just happy to see them breaking
through. After a couple of very good EPs, it's high time they got an album
released.
Movies and music
Which ones will give you pleasure?
Tricky to decide
Not to worry, man
As Tom'll Fix It For You
Just like Jim used to
Ahh, that felt good - my first Jimmy
Saville joke. No doubt you hopeless Yanks will be oblivious to who the man
is, so check the link out now, like a funk soul brother:
http://www.culttelly.co.uk/features/articles/info_jfi.html
And that's me done for another week.
Sorry to anyone who was expecting more stories of my incompetency (this time
at work), but unfortunately I'm tired and stinky, so talking about how
horrible my job is would almost certainly result in my sinking into a long,
deep depression. Sure, that might result in a few interesting columns, but
after a few weeks of my whining, you'd end up feeling miserable as well.
As ever, feel free to send feedback
to tommyb_uk@hotmail.com and I'll
see you when I see you (as I'm not sure just how long The Crapper's
impending hiatus will be for).
Cheerio for now
I'm sure that we'll meet again
Wipe those tears away
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