|
Back again,
maybe for a while. Or maybe not. Anyway, re-introductions are
boring and rubbish and require me to make up excuses which I just don’t have
time to do, so SHUT UP WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU, SHUT UUUUUUUPPPPP!!!!
Linkin Park are wicked-cool. The best one’s the guy with the piercing.
Speaking of which, I got one of thems, right in the eyebrow, because nothing
makes you cool quite like a piece of metal stuck in your flesh.
Anyway, recap time: One Rob down,
one to go. I’m not even sure which Rob it was that stopped writing,
but I wish him the best of luck in whatever he chooses to do. As long
as it’s not mass-murdering. Or the molestation of Chinamen. Or…
well, you get the gist.
Christopher
Roy hearts me. I don’t feel the same way, but it’s nice to know he
cares. Expect to see a CROSSOVER CLASSIC from both of us soon.
Kilpatrick’s
writing about how much he enjoys watching men covered in padding bump into
each other. Whoops-a-daisy, one of them fell over! Marvellous
stuff.
sAm is doing
stuff, As usuAl. Apparently he thinks that wAr is a bAd thing, And
it’s rAdical, exciting opinions like thAt which mAke his columns a dynAmic
pArt of this fine web-site. Who knows whAt he’ll sAy next week?
MAybe thAt President Bush is a slightly sub-stAndArd president! Or
perhAps he’ll lAunch a scathing Attack on MTV and manufActured music
everywhere! Thank God for sAm and his zAny, Alternative, off-the-wAll
rAmblings. If only everyone else was As dAring in their observAtions
on society As he.
OMGZZZZ
LURKER GIRL IS BACK! And as dull as ever. Why don’t I have
legions of fans demanding my return? Fucking politics, that’s why.
And my lack of boobies.
Father Flash
is almost a proper comic. Emphasis on the world ‘almost’.
Same old,
same old from Daniel Lutz. Not exactly sure who he is, but he’s got a
damned fine surname though. You can rhyme it with all sorts of words…
like putz… nutz… slutz… those are the main three, but I’m sure there’s lots
more.
God, Adam
whines a lot.
Noga’s still
doing that frugging poetry. Again though, fantastic name.
Jane C. Nolan
lives in a Pokémon world. Gotta catch ‘em all! Hey, what
happened to Pokémon? It just seems to have disappeared. I’m not
even sure what the latest fad wit’ da kidz is. Maybe ‘Beyblades’.
I got one of those free in a packet of cereal, and it was pretty cool.
So anyway, in conclusion, Beyblades are fantastic and everyone should buy
them. Christ, you can tell I’ve been out of the column-writing game
for a while – check out my horrible sentence structuring. Lots of tiny
little sentences all over the place, resulting in a COMPLETE lack of flow.
For someone who got a B in English Language at A-Level, that is NOT good, so
from now on, it’s just going to be long, stupid sentences with lots of…
semi-colons and… emoticons and… stuff. :-D :-S ;-) :-o :-P. I’m
so web-savvy, it frightens me. Anyway, more stuff.
Tom Blackett vs. Army Of Cleaners
University
life. It rocks, right? Well, yes, for the most part, it’s a
crazy-go-nuts cavalcade of daytime television, alcohol and filthiness.
However, as always, there’s a certain group of people who have to spoil the
fun. The individuals in this case are known as ‘cleaners’.
God, I hate
them. From the moment they barge into my flat, to the moment they
storm out again, they just refuse to shut the fuck up. Yappering on at
the top of their voices, usually at the ungodly hour of 10 or 11 am, when
I’m trying to sleep. The fuckers don’t even do their job properly,
constantly reporting my flat (otherwise known as ‘The Hallowed Kingdom of
Tomania’) to the accommodation people because we leave our dishes on the
side, rather than washing them up. Obviously it’s not their
responsibility to clean them, as they’re CLEANERS, damn it! Why should
they have to clean anything up? It’s not like it’s in their job
description or anything. Bunch of jerks, trying to get me to be all
clean and hygienic and whatnot.
In fact,
they’ve got me so upset, I’ll type a whole list of their crimes against
humanity:
- The
theft of MY BISCUITS, which I happened to leave unhidden in the kitchen.
Thems was good biscuits as well. Covered in chocolate, with a
chocolate centre and a deliciously chocolate after-taste. Chocolate’s
a weird word.
-
Numerous threats over my testing of the fire extinguisher, because
apparently we shouldn’t ‘tamper with the fire safety devices’. Seeing
as how I’ve never used a fire extinguisher before, I naturally thought it’d
be a pretty clever idea to give it a quick squirting into the sink, just to
see how they work. It was dead good, it went all ‘woooooosh’ and water
came out. I REGRET NOTHING, STUPID CLEANERS! Bunch of jerks.
Speaking of
fire extinguishers, we ‘borrowed’ a foam one from someone else’s flat, and I
have to say, they are FAR superior to the liquid ones. We wrote ‘poo’
on a tree with it, proving once and for all that British students are truly
the wittiest of them all. Anyway, moving on…
- The
removal and subsequent destruction of ‘toilet tennis’ (see highly detailed
diagram below)
Toilet tennis
makes bowel movements FUN! Anyway, this has gotten boring. Bye. |
