|
The Box
"If you bitch
about it, it will happen. Gollum! Gollum!"
I believe
deadlines killed The Crapper. While it is true that nobody really followed
them anyway, the term "deadline" made this not a very fun place to be for
the writers. It started out as a place to soapbox about whatever,
whenever. Then, it started to gain recognition (at least within the VA
community) and it all became something other than a getaway. On the other
hand, however, it was inevitable and more so, fair. The people who ran and
updated this little ditty of a site did so with no pay, with more than their
fair share of responsibility, and with very limited gratitude.
Hindsight is a
bitch.
To be honest, I
wouldn't have even started to bitch about this site shutting down if someone
on the VA board hadn't have asked what happened to it. This got me thinking
that it would be a nice thing to bring back for a "Christmas Special". And
while Marsha, Peter, Greg and Cindy won't be making an appearance, nor will
Florence Henderson be singing a song, giving Mike the strength he needs to
lift rubble off of his weak, closeted homosexual form, I think this will
come off as fun, and maybe even a little classy (if you disregard the
previous Mike comment, mind you).
Yes, yes…
reunions are cheesy. But if you call it a swansong, everything should be
ok, and I am proud to write alongside my fellow stank-nuggets once more for
our swansong… fuck it… for our reunion, even.
So enough of all
this sissy crap…
I have not been
excited about a film's release for quite some time now (and I'm not even
counting any Smith film, as that would heavily pepper me with comments like
"no shit" and "don't be a queer, Queer-queer". Usually, when a trailer for
a film is placed before the same old black comedy or drama that drops
throughout the year (which I watch religiously with my other very white
friends) or what have you, I get a sense that I've seen the previewed film
once before, yet have my curiosity oddly stirred… and then never see the
mother fucker. Why? Because it really doesn't matter.
But when I hear
that Howard Shore score gradually build and the familiar Ian McKellen
voiceover layered lovingly on top of amazingly gorgeous images, I get an
erection. Lord of the Rings is about to conclude.
When my wife
notices my Levi Monster (shut up, it's HUGE!), she asks if I actually just
popped a fleshy lamp post for Lord of the Rings, and I tell her "No, baby.
I was just imagining what you would look like with elf ears, honey."
She then slays
the Levi Monster (HUGE!) with her Mystical Mouth of Deflation...
Crisis dodged
like Billy Clinton at the dry cleaner's.
Anyway, being a
fan of the book trilogy, I have waited so long to see a film adaptation that
would shut people up about how "suhweet" the animated feature was. With the
first two installments in my DVD collection (yes, the Extended Editions),
Christmas comes early for me this year… seven days early to be exact.
For this, I am
pleased. For this is why I made it through the year. The anticipation of
Shelob… the anticipation of Frodo, Sam and Gollum at Mt. Doom.
Ok, so it's very
geeky to write about Lord of the Rings in this, my final column for TAC, but
since I already got my comments about the Crapper shut-down out of the way,
there's no reason NOT to geekify this column.
So, as I close
out The Box, I wish you all the best holiday you can possibly muster.
Goodbye...
And GO SEE
RETURN OF THE KING, GODDAMNIT!!!!
sAm |
