|
The Box
I will bow out
and let this unfortunate soul share his tale of wounded living...
Mmmmm… Wounded...
Hey Mister
Larson
(sL: For the
record... NOBODY call me that. Ever. Thank you.)
I read your
column and would like to say AMANDA BLAKER can go suck ass for all I care.
In fact, that is what happened. Nose-deep in ass. I find out
it's her roomie, and then everything falls into place. AMANDA BLAKER
didn't have to take care of her mom on my birthday. AMANDA BLAKER
didn't have to go shopping for her aunt with the wooden toe on our
anniversary. AMANDA BLAKER didn't have a cousin who was in the
championship game in JV football. AMANDA BLAKER is a lying whore.
The fact that AMANDA BLAKER was being all lesbian without me doesn't bother
me as much as the fact she felt the need to string me along. AMANDA
BLAKER, you are sure to be on my side of the fence, one day. You could
have broke up with me like a normal wench. Fuck you AMANDA BLAKER.
She may not really be a lesbian, though. It could have been a really
hot guy. Don't hate me because I'm bi, hate AMANDA BLAKER because
she's a whore.
C.D.
LA, CA
C.D., eh? Maybe
she should have traded you in at Sam Goody, instead. HA HOY! I think
all you need to do is go suck her toes while telling her how amazing she is,
then when she's yours again, dump her for her brother... If she
doesn't have one, her father will do. Then, when she's at her most
vulnerable, tell her you think her taste in shoes is awful.
Well now.
Wasn't that just a hoot? I didn't actually expect people to send their
stories in. I figured apathy ruled. The others weren't nearly as
interesting as the one posted, but when a person ends their story with a
twist like that, you gotta take some notice.
Speaking of
taking notice, Darkfather has been spinnin' some yarn in the form of a tall
tale about yours truly, the master swing cat of the smooth snap generation,
daddyo. This is some stale cheese, brother. We can't play that
jazz around here, dark parental format. He's been singing about this
dig here being nice. Maybe his flare for peepers may be on everyone
but the sockets, but pillars of the black and white will make waves without
the helping hands of the shrouded evil that is the oppressing government.
We're all just trying to sparkle on in this little disco ball called Earth,
froggy...
In other words,
back the fuck off, or I'll talk in mixed eratonics again.
Along with the
stories, I received an e-mail from someone bitching about me stealing
material. I still do not know why this is still an issue. I
can't read Brian's work. Plain and simple. He not only bashed
me, but also bashed the Crapper. He named names as well, yet I will
not repeat what was said about whom (it wasn't everyone, it was only two
other columnists who he assumes "backs me up" at every waking moment).
Wow, there are
still tons of people who talk shit about the Crapper. They think we
believe we are better than them. And while they are partly correct in
that assumption, the word is know, not believe. These people say they
don't read the Crapper at all, yet they can debate every column word for
word... And some do...
...All while
claiming that because we write one column a week, WE are the ones who have
too much time on our hands.
People bitch
about me "stealing material", when they are in no place to say anything in
the first place. These are the people that can go fuck off. The
people that sit back, and hop whatever bandwagon that comes by just to
pretend that they have a voice amongst millions of other people.
I have never had
to steal material in my life, and I don't ever plan on starting. The
truth of the matter is that I don't care what anybody else writes about.
I write whatever I want to write about, and however it comes out, It will
always be original material unless otherwise made mention of.
That being said,
let the fucking subject go. As if talking about shit that was fuelled
by childish instincts is the number one topic I wish to discuss...
I'd much rather
talk about how out in the open Adam is here. It's like TAC should be
called The Couch with what's being put on the table over there. It's
like we should charge Adam the rates of a shrink to read about his problems
on a weekly basis. Keep 'em up though, man. Your column is
better than watching reality TV, and there are plenty of them to get annoyed
by. I'll be checking in with America's favorite feisty homosexual at
these times, and I don't mean Regis.
Also, I just got
word from POJK (AKA The Lurker of The Lurker, AKA stalker, AKA Walking
Restraining Order)! It seems as though Lurker is giggling over something
stupid at the moment on the VA Board. Oh, it's that SHAFTR character
again. I'm sure this will be the subject of much praise in her column.
He said "pig-fucker", so I bet that's gotta be "whacky" on Lurker Planet.
Thanks POJK. We all look forward to more results from your illegal
activity, buddy.
***NEXT WEEK***
We clone
sheep... Then we clone giant sheers to slaughter the whole lot of
them!!! |
