|
 The
Box
I saw a homeless
man (or a bum, or what have you, I don't know his whole backstory) urinating
on the Bible. I had the mini DV rolling, so I snapped a picture of it.
However, I will not post it or give it to A-N-Y-O-N-E who asks, due to the
fact that it would give The Askew Crapper way too much publicity, and in the
end force us to write something good each and every week.
I don't care if
he was urinating on the Bible. He probably didn't know he was even
doing it, but if he did, you'd better believe he's got his reasons for doing
so! I only shot it because it framed up so nicely.
Moving on...
'But how can you follow vagrants urinating on a book', you ask? Read on...
I want to say a
word that a lot of male Crapper readers might be a little confused about...
Females.
Oh, you honestly
didn't think I was insulting your no doubt staggering appeal to women, did
you? Of course not... Told you you might be confused.
I mean the word
in a harsh way...
Females.
Said like a
growl, if ever said at all. I am talking about the really fucked up
shit they are capable of.... Send the stories if you got 'em, by the way.
You will remain anonymous, but you can call the woman out as many times as
you wish, for all to see.
There was this
one girl who was all goofy for me recently, and I use that term because it's
the correct description of the way she acted, not because it's a lightened
term.
I'll be
completely honest and say that if there's a girl that likes me, I'm always
the last to know. It sucks having bigger fish to fry than hunting and
clubbing a mate. Don't get me wrong... I missed out big-time on a
few... but the fact still remains that I can't detect it, and that is a
horrid thing, for your information.
I just thought
that was the way she acted. What was I thinking, huh? Anyway,
she tells me about it a few months down the road, and says that she'd
(paraphrase alert!) still act the same way around me.
Fine.
That's great. I mean, she's not only fun to be around, but she's hot.
She might not be the best conversationalist, but if you're into the same
things she is, you will get along just fine. I'm into what she's into.
Why the hell not? This may turn out great.
Not three days
later, did she tell me she won't be acting goofy around me anymore.
How that
happened, I don't know, but you get over something quick if there wasn't
anything to get over to begin with. I just wanted to post a sample
from my collection of goodies to show the direction I'm going with this
derailed train.
I would like to
provide an outlet for that immature child inside of you to scream, "Michelle
Stoner, You're a poopy-face!!!!AHAHAHA ,,\/,"
It'll help you
out if you need it. If others call you a pussy, call them one back
when THEY go into verbal vengeance mode. If they can't take it, they
are a pussy, and you should go take his girl... Or so says Lenny DonMobster
the Mobster of DonMobster.
Just think of it
as a public service for the people who wish the Denise Show was a real, open
forum.
I, however, will
not participate. I killed that inner child long ago. Or it hung
itself. Either way I was tired of listening to it. It rambled on
and on and on and on and ON.
I really feel
the need to listen to poorly composed B-movie action soundtracks with lots
of keyboards now, so I will make this a shorty but obviously goody.
Kind of like hobbits, only really cool, because instead of hairy feet, we
gots platinum teeff. Nifty and neat-o to uz, playa playa. (that
hurt to type, by the way)
I will close out
with a few words about the lovable, "bitchin'" Askew Reds. Vincent's A
Better Place is one of the first movies I recommend to people looking for
new films to see. The other is Vulgar. The difference is, I only
recommend Vulgar to fans of old classics. They seem to respond well to
it. Yeah. That's a good thing in my opinion... Shut up Donnacha.
Vincent always takes time to explain anything he knows about... and if you
aren't careful, you'll learn a little something. Brian and Bryan have
posted some of the funniest things on the board since Chris Rock was on.
They are really the backbone of the wwwboard, as far as Red posters go.
They make it all seem less annoying until Kevin posts. Yes, Kevin is
the man, but is he WEBMASTER OF TONS OF SITES?! No. Our main man
Ming is. If Brian and Bryan make the VA board fun to read, Ming allows
it to happen. We thank you daily, Ming. The supporting cast (Babka,
LW, Amy, Malcolm, Etc.) rounds everything out to make the VA board stand out
so much.
To all the Reds, if you had a guitar with no strings, I
would buy you strings. If the High E pops while picking 16, I shall replace
it. You are never stringless.
In other words, thanks for posting to the people who enjoy
your work. Damn, if ONLY I could have the Golden Girls theme play while you
read this entire column....(hint hint)... If only...
***NEXT WEEK***
sAm digitally
inserts himself into a sex tape of Affleck and Lopez... AS A MOUTHY,
GESTICULATING CHEST HAIR!!! Find out whose hair next week. |
