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"Stay with me. Stay forever. Stay Tonight."
The Box
Fucking Lurker
Girl. In America it's called spying. I'm getting Al Gore to pass
a law so that people will be detected on his internet upon entering.
Revolt! She is not the only one. They have invaded our privacy in a
public forum for far too long. Let's teach those goddamn peepers a
lesson!!!
I wanted to
bring my old column back for good, but I wanted to start it off on a high
note... So my obvious conclusion was to attack the most popular
columnist at TAC (along with her people) in the opening moments of my
column.
I say it worked
pretty damn good. Moving on.
As some may
know, I'm currently casting for the feature I'm directing, and I'm glad to
say that just from the few places we've dropped the line at, we have had
lots of people show interest. This, however, does not mean they were
right for the role. There are tons left to cast, so I've got a clean
slate right now... I know it will get harder with more options.
It always does. Yet, as much as the topic of my film never gets old, I
must focus on what this week's column is all about...
CSI.
America's Most
Watched Show.
CSI on CBS, they
say.
Others go on
about how much they love the show.
I sit back in
shock.
How can a show
so ridiculous be broadcast on Prime Time Television for this long, and not
get called on how bad it is? Well, I guess we can ask Jay Leno, but that's
beside the point. As long as CSI remains on the air, I know death is
indeed eminent...
The fact that
they have an expert serving as a technical advisor on a show that uses
partly-fictional procedures to solve crimes that are sometimes taken from
real-life cases is beyond me. It's like they read a book on how to
make millions off of a simple idea for simple people. If you would
like another example, see my rant about how much of a precaution Will and
Grace is in about a month or so.
In the case of
CSI, the lead Dickhead, Grissim (or however the hell his dumb ass character
spells it) brings an added annoyance to the fold. With his smug,
first-guess-is-ALWAYS-dead-on approach to crime scene investigation sickens
me, as it should sicken any other red blooded American or black blooded
Republican. When I go off on this same rant in every day conversation
as I'm known to do (most often and recently at a old folk's nursing home),
the most common defense is, "B-b-but... T-they go inside the
b-bodies!" After I finish turning their oxygen waaaaaaaay down, my response
is always "Well give that gimmick to a show that's worth a damn," like Wheel
Of Fortune. Every time somebody buys a vowel that's on the board, we
can take a trip into a corpse to retrieve it."
All I'm saying
is this: If that's the only reason you watch a show, great. That's
wonderful, and I hope you and your commie buddies are very happy in the
future. However, when this shit is on during prime time on the
weekday, and NOT on UPN or some second-hand network like that, that's where
I draw the line. I'm sure CBS could pull some creative writer who's
starving up in a loft in New York City, and come up with a good show, and
not something CSI.
They have not
done this...
They have
created a spin-off series called CSI: Miami. I would mention the cast,
but the unholy should not be uttered on electronic equipment of any kind,
for they will sniff the foul air about them and summon one of their many
Christopher Lowel demons to give chase to the speaker.
We all know who
I'm talking about when I mention the Lead Actor from CSI: Miami, so I will
share this observation with you...
Do you remember
those flat containers with magnetized flakes and a pen that let you create
beards or unibrows on the illustrated face plastered on the inside? That
picture looks exactly like the Lead Actor...
If you didn't
get that, just think of a strung-out Ron Howard with a permanent grin like
the Joker and you'll get the picture.
Among all this
horrible TV, I still find time to bitch about current events... Like
what in the FUCK was this white van business with the sniper? True, the
actual car used looked almost identical to a white van, but still (I put
some stank on that sarcasm, eh?). I know they need to go off of eye
witness accounts, but eye witnesses are always the most stupid people around
who would say that their mother did the crime, just to get on TV. It's
sad to think that the real Snipers could have driven right by the people who
swear to protect us, as they stop another white van due to the information
provided by Ramon, the tuna fisherman and avid huffer of various glue,
paint, and marker products.
I wish to close
this column with a musical selection I chose last night.
Unfortunately,
it is impossible for you to hear it, so just go with it, and move to the
music within in yourself...
... And if
you actually did that and are reading this now, I hope you are very ashamed
of yourself.
****Next
Week****
I make sandwiches... and then throw them into convertibles! Next Week?
My court transcripts! See you then. |
