|
"You don't even
know me so don't hate me. Sublime rockin' No Doubt stylee. We do it Monday
and on Friday. Get back to the show 'cause it's payday. 11
o'clock, roll, roll it down, rock the city with the number one sound.
Long beat, Long Beach, and it feels so fine. Rock this shit straight back to
Anaheim."
The Box
Gone are the
days of ranting and movie-talk. Say hello to my new Scandinavian Bath
house!!!!! ...
Oops... wrong
reveal. Completely my fault.
As most may
know, this site is getting fine-tuned, and unfortunately the time came when
the columnist's well of topics would be confined to a single subject. I was
torn about this, because:
A) I did not
want to change something I'm not getting paid to do in the first place for
the purposes of compliance. Even though...
B) I felt the
need to organize it a bit.
The answer was
quite simple: I needed to get Swanson's issue of Playboy. Seven Chase-riffic
hours later, I knew what had to be done. So I took a shower, but while I
was lathering my goodies, I got the idea for my new column. Touching
my penis always makes me want to think about movies in a different light, so
seeing as how I'm always writing my column while "checking Uncle Pecker's
blood pressure", why not do what comes natural? I will take films, and
search carefully for undertones to make the original message or feeling
change dramatically. I may do this seriously or I may start a column with
"The reason why I think Glitter is really the story of G.W. Bush's shady
rise to power in the U.S. is..." or "Sure, Citizen Kane resembled Hearst's
life a bit, but all I'm saying is that it could have very well prophesized
the coming of Danny Glover, as well." If there's any conflict, the forum is
open all day, like Madonna after a Bloody Mary and an L. Ron Hubbard quote.
And of course,
I'll back up every point... I told you I kept my rants in there somewhere.
The Box's new
blurb, you ask? Why, it's none other than:
"Gather around,
kids! It's time to over-complicate film!!!"
Come on back,
we'll have sushi and pepperoni pizza.
sAm Larson
***NEXT WEEK***
(drum roll)
Lord of the
Rings... I can already taste the symbolism, folks. |
